Monday, February 24, 2014

Why Did I Give In?!!!!!!!

So it was Friday night and I should have known better than to ask if the girls wanted to go out for dinner. They are 5 1/2 and 7 and just finished a week of school. From past experiences they are exhausted and seldom feel like just sitting there for an hour or two after sitting in school all day. As the question came out of my mouth I already regretted it. The fighting became about where we are going. Then the tears came flowing and my frustration building. Now I take my part in the blame as I knew it would turn in to that, but I did have my selfish reason-my hubby was gone all week and mamma wanted to go out! So...it turned ugly fast. I am strict on the 1-2-3 counting method. 95% of the time I don't even get to 2 or 3 because I implemented this discipline technique when they were toddlers and totally get what comes if I get to 3. I don't go on and on about what they did, I just simply count. Ill quick explain what they did wrong and ask them if they could have handled it better and if you were in the wrong you need to go look the person in the eyes and apologize. Well we were beyond that. We told them if they didn't stop yelling and crying we would just stay home. We tried to get them to compromise but they wouldn't have it. So after telling them in my very frustrated voice we are just going to stay home since you could not come to an agreement where we go for dinner. Well the 5 1/2yr would not give up. She just kept on crying so I found myself coming up with excuses. I knew I was in the wrong, but man I just couldn't help myself. Usually I am very strong and strict, but not this time. This time I knew it would be a mixed signal and would eventually come back to bite my in the as@! I finally suggested I go through the drive thru and bring home the chili she so badly wanted. Excuses started flowing out of my mouth like a song! First came she was very tired, then came she was so good up till now, then came her sister pushed her buttons and vice versa, then it came down to the real truth-mom just really wanted to go out and get out of the house for dinner. Yep I came clean. Ugh the inner me was dreaming what the hel@ are you doing? You solo know much better. But as soon as I suggested that she instantly turned the yelling and crying off and replaced it with a smile. Man did I feel some type of relief, as I was still going to get out of the house for only a bit to listen to my songs on the IPOD and not One Direction or Taylor Swift. I had my own victory but as far as my children go, I sent the wrong mixed signals-if you cry and scream loud enough and mommy wants to do it we can get away with it. I call this "Parent Suicide" I just did what I fought so long and hard not to do. This proves we all have our breaking moments where we give in no matter the consequences we will later face. I am not just a mom and a wife, but a women that need to get out and socialize. I am selfish and sometimes I think that is OK! ha!